Contemplation

I wont lie. Today was rough. It started out hopeful, but ended up being a very discouraging day. With all my grand ideas of cleaning, family fun, and positive motivation leading to a successful story, prayer, and song before bed, I never knew the despair that would come from my failure.
I don't want to go into too many details. And I don't want to dwell on what went wrong, because lets face it, that would be an extensive list. What I want to take away from this is its okay. I screwed up. I failed big! Our home looks worse than when I started, my kids are all mad at me, and with our lack of finances... seeing my husband before I go to sleep is not likely. But somewhere in all of that, I just need to understand... its okay.
It honestly doesn't feel okay right now. I called my parents hoping for a positive moment but ended with a household of angry little ones. I cried on the phone. I felt hopeless. My youngest was throwing a pre-bedtime fit as I tried to explain why I was sobbing to my parents, when my mother began singing to the fussing baby over the phone. The tune was hush little baby. The words were less conventional. Think real life musical. Singing what you would be saying. That about sums it. My mom was singing what she would have been telling me to the tune of hush little baby. This may not be a big thing. I've heard her do this before, and I have done it on occasion... okay often would be a better word. However, something about her singing in that way, and the affect it had on the now sleeping infant struck me. Moments ago, my kiddo's life was a wreck. Whatever it was that she wanted, didn't want, felt, etc... it wasn't good. She was not a happy camper. Yet... a simple melody from a caring grandma told her... its okay. You can go to sleep. Whatever is wrong, whatever made you sad, it will be okay.
Even after the phone call ended, I could still feel the peace in the air. This is what got me to thinking. Sometimes, nothing works. And it is the days that you really put an effort in that are hardest to accept defeat. But that is okay. It is okay to fail. It is okay to cry on the phone. It is okay to feel sad before bed, or to not even want to go to sleep for fear that tomorrow might come all the more swiftly. It is okay. It happens. Be the one to comfort yourself. Be the one to hum or sing a soothing song. A melody of peace to sooth your inner infant. And hopefully it will stay with you all through the night.

Connections

Been working on my social media platforms lately and let me tell you, connecting is hard work. I have never been the best at connecting with others. In fact I often rate relationships as easy to manage and too much effort. Can we guess which ones I steer clear of. If I met someone that demanded full attention, required finesse when engaged in conversation, and/or was constantly needing... something. Nope. It wouldn't work for me. 

Now if you introduce me to someone that is easy to talk to, never gets offended by miniscule trifles (that personally I find make a friendship worthwhile... all those little nothings), and the relationship thrives despite lack of constant care. That is my type of relationship. Just consider me a lover of cacti. Beautiful specimens, low maintenance. 

But that isn't the case with social media. Social media is all about the maintenance! If you don't post, reply, share, update, and practically live on those sites, all your hard work dies! I can work hard on getting my tweets, peeps, snaps, flicks, picks, etc.… up to date and snazzy. Then two days of life hits me. I get back on the pages and Poof! I'm history.

I know there are sights you can set up that will do updates and posts while you are away, but doesn't that defeat the porpous… lol....just kidding... purpose.

You know, sometimes I wish social media was like a cactus. Less is more sort of thing. Instead I think social media is more inline with an orchid (I can never keep those things alive) or worse... a bonsai tree, which takes years and years to develop. Lots of nurturing and grooming. The perfect eye for what the tree can become. Some master skills at creating adorable little tree swings and benches and flowing rivers and.... sigh. 

I could just chalk it all up to a "Someday" statement. "Someday, I will be able to have a beautiful bonsai tree and miniature garden-scape."... "Someday, my orchid will be perfectly beautiful and healthy." "Someday, I will have a successful social media platform!" But we all know how those "Someday" statements usually turn out. 

For now I guess I will stick with my leathery skinned desert flora relationships and keep on trying to be a bonsai master!

What is comfort?

At this very moment I am looking at my cat. Her soft reddish-grey fur gently moving with each of her sleeping breaths. If only, I think to myself, if only I could sleep that soundly in a box three times smaller than myself.
It's funny. My cat can sleep anywhere. How can she do that? Even when I get in my big cushy plush bed with a thick quilted mattress and ample pillows, I struggle to calm my mind and sleep. Yet here is this fur baby making due with what would appear to be a very uncomfortable situation.
But that might be it, the solution to the problem. Maybe placing yourself in the most comfortable, undeniably relaxing, position isn't best for you.
I have read before that the human body/mind only wants to change when it is in more pain where it is at, thus making change seem less painful. I don't know how that would work for sleeping, but in life that might be the way to live.
The last little while we have been battling a very unfriendly gathering of bedbugs. We are unsure of how or when these wee beasties came into our home, but they are here. And only through the battle with these miniscule monsters have we started to understand how cluttered our life has been. The material things that we have gathered are starting to become less important the more we are eaten alive at night. Gradually we begin to shed off the useless possessions that contain multitudes of bugs. Perhaps it is for this purpose that bedbugs were made. To give people the chance to understand, stuff is not worth it. The important things in life are not stuffed or cushy. They are not big and bulky. Nor are they common things you would think are necessary. They are your children, your partner, you, and yes... the sleeping grey cat that finds the most comfortable place in the home is one that is not the right size. Just something to think about.

Update to date

Been trying to play catch up the last few days. It has been a difficult year for me so far, but I am determined to end with a bang! 

I'm still writing with Fiction Vortex. They are joining up with Story Shop now and I am certain they will change the reading/writing industry. I am just glad that I am apart of this movement.

Our family has gotten bigger. My new baby girl is such a spark in my sometimes dark existence. I am so happy to have her happy and healthy with her three siblings. Of course now I can't use my slogan "Military spouse mamma of three, trying to change her family tree, through writing." Just going to have to come up with something new and exciting.

I have good news about my depression as well. For so long it was just apart of me. Now I can see it fading. I tried a newish treatment for depression. Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is what it is called. A procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain. I wasn't sure if it would work to be honest. But with all the medications I have been on and the misery of living with depression growing, I decided to go with it.

I am glad I did. I may not notice big differences, but I have been told I laugh and smile more often, I enjoy things more, and I have gotten a bit more desire to do things. Hey, every little bit helps. I just didn't want to always be sad around my kids. Well anyone for that matter.

This will have to do for now. I know it is short and there wasn't much fun, knowledgeable insights shared. But I have a lot of stories I am working on, and we all know you would much rather read some great tales than hear me rant about something.

Complicated Joys

I finally set up my Author Website today. It took some doing just for the simplest of sites. As of lately I have been caught up in taking care of my little ducks (aka my kiddos), writing fairy tales for Fiction Vortex. If you haven't visited their sight you should, it has free reads of various genres, and I've been baking. Yup, making rolls. Super yum. At least my daughter thinks so. I made nine rolls last night and she ate seven of them. This is crazy for my daughter who rarely eats that much.
My book Apocalypse: Usifrim is up on Amazon. I guess I was expecting a big to do about it, but somehow it hasn't gotten the attention it deserves. I will say it is hard to promote your work while shaping the future of the human race. I'm not complaining, just talking. I know I am a mother and that is a HUGE job full of micro-jobs that I am certainly not qualified for, and sometimes being a mother is daunting to say the least, but it is extremely rewarding. Not so much with the amount of #2 I am dealing with as my son is potty training, but still rewarding. I love my crazies. They give my life meaning and bring me the most complex forms of joy. Like sending them off to their first day of school and thinking to yourself, "I'm so old. They are growing too fast." Yes I am glad my kids are alive and growing and going to learn. Though the pain of them leaving me is heart rending.
Okay, before I go I would like to share a little tidbit of fun to come... my story for fiction vortex is nearly ready for all your reads.

It had been days since Sylvia ran out of the Bounty Feast Ball. Her hurt feelings an obvious testament to her lack of control. She hated the dark haired, strangely alluring man who pitched her worst fears in her face. Even now Sylvia seethed about his arrogant judgement of her. She was the future High Queen.

With a fatal snip one of her beloved red rose blooms fell to the ground. “Oh.” Sylvia whimpered as she picked up the flower. “Forgive me.” She spoke softly to her plants, “I am out of sorts. Despite the time passed that fellow’s words ring in my head. I know it is no excuse. I should be more careful of your fragile state.” Gently she raised the blossom to her lips and kissed it softly.

“Why do you morn a loss that need not be?” The High Queen came up behind her granddaughter, taking the flower carefully she placed it back on the stem. With a whisper of words and a soft breath blown over the petals, the rose was restored. “Sylvia, I worry about your devotion to trivial things.”

“They are only trivial to others.”

“Your appreciation of life is admirable. If only I could get that trait to extend past the boundaries of this little haven you’ve created.” The High Queen looked out upon the autumn landscape. “It may not look pleasant or appealing to you now, but there is life outside the castle that is worth every bit of your devotion.”

“You didn’t just come here to talk of slumbering life. What is your true purpose?”

“The Elders and I have decided on your first challenge to determine your worthiness for the throne.” The Queen waited for a response. Her granddaughter continued to prune and water her wild roses. “Are you not interested?”

“I only assumed you would continue to speak of my task.”

Sighing the Queen picked up a watering container. She sprinkled a healthy bush of white roses as she spoke. “As you know, the High Queen is Queen to all the Fairy realms. She is all powerful in magic and wisdom. With the Elders as her counsel, the Queen must be able to make life altering decisions for all in her care. Such as you have the power to care for or destroy this garden.” The High Queen indicated the surrounding foliage. Her granddaughter remained stoic and indifferent, clearing her throat the Queen continued. “Such is the unending duty of the High Queen. Therefore the Elders and I believe you must prove your worthy of the position with a rather small test.” The Queen whispered and waved her hands, her granddaughter oblivious to her antics until it was too late. With a final whoosh of magic Sylvia began to shrink. She struggled to counter the spell, but it was too strong. In a last attempt to save herself she cried out to her grandmother. Her voice was shrill. The words she said were nothing more than tiny squeaks. The High Queen had transformed her into a mouse.

Shake it off... Shake it off

     It is interesting, the things that can try to bring you down. I would go into details but it would take way too much time. So to sum it up; weather, driving, lack of sleep, loneliness, and accusations. Sometimes you just have to take a moment to yourself and focus your thoughts. Do you want to cry? Do you want to give up on the day? Do you want to hide yourself away from the world? Or can you shake it off and step up? Like the story of the donkey in the well, take each scoop of dirt thrown at you and use it to benefit you. Yeah sometimes and some days that is easier said than done, and sometimes you may need that cry. Just remember to keep working for what you want.

Update!

     I have finally finished my first book. It has taken me since August 2011 till December 2015 to complete the manuscript. At the time being it is off being read for editing by some anxious fans. I am absolutely thrilled that I was able to complete it. I have recently started book two of what I think will be a trilogy. We are now entering the Angelic City. And I am excited to introduce to you a rival to our beloved Nero Kelldonis. Sir Alexandre. A super amazing, strong, mischievous yet sweet angel attractive angel with a dark side. Ohh it is just too exciting. Let the adventure continue.

Key Components

     Reading books about how to write your story is a great idea. It is interesting to see how many components it takes to make a compelling novel. And how many of those come naturally to me when I write makes me feel like a super star!
     Now to share some tidbits that I have learned.
"What's the difference between premise and core idea?... the core idea is,... what makes you want to sit down and write it. Premise, on the other hand, is what makes a reader want to read it." (Write Your Novel in a Month by Jeff Gerke)
     To be honest. When I reached this part of the book I had to read the section three times over before the message got through to me. It resulted in one of those "Ah-Ha" moments. What makes me want to write my book and what would get someone else to read it. Similar yet different.
     I think I am going to give you my Premise. Or at least the one I have in the making.

     Apocalypse: Usifrim

  The end of  the world has come and gone leaving three races of beings Angels, Demons, and Humans, fighting for justice, ownership, and survival in this harsh new world. Two Governments are formed attempting to take control of the chaos. The Angelic-Human formed Syndicate. A strict high-control governing force owning all allegiance with the Angels and the forced submission of Humans. And then there is a quiet hidden group known as the Usifrim.
   Raised at the Usifrim Academy, Claire has grown up under the watchful supervision of the school's thirteen professors. But today is graduation, the first step to leaving the peaceful protection of the Academy and venturing into this dangerous world armed with her knowledge, skills, and her Demon Partner Nero Kelldonis. But he is an Incubus. She can't give into her deep desires, passions, and love for him. Can she?
   Nero Kelldonis is a Great High Lord of the Seventh Sin Lust. As an Incubus he needs to find nourishment through intimate desires from Humans. Being bonded with this plain human girl Claire is not what he signed up for. In fact he doesn't know why he is here at all or what he feels toward this pathetic female. All he knows is he is too good for her and too bad to be caught in the act of being a hero.

     So What do you guys think? Does it capture your interest? Does it make you want to read more and find out what happens? I hope so. And writing that makes me want to write in my book. So talk to you later. I am off to be brilliant!

A New Me

     Since I moved in with my parents, while my husband is away, my children are no longer on any kind of schedule. They were on a sleep, bath, play, read, nap, meal, and exercise schedule. No more. But that is neither here nor there. The point I would like to make now is, I need to re-schedule my life and the lives of my kids. They are running wild with no structure. So it is time to bite the bullet and take charge.
     In order to get my kids on a good sleeping schedule I need to pry them away from toys, grandparents, uncles, and auntie in order to get the sleep they need. They can't stay up till one in the morning any more. From tonight onward they will be sleeping at 8:30 pm.
     I need to structure the rest of their day. But I am not sure how to do that yet. I will have to give it some thought as the day goes on.
     My books arrived in the mail. I decided that I need someone or something to give me positive motivational encouragements daily for me to be inspired to write. So I purchased some books. And I got my I-pod out of the dust-bunnies and deleted all the silly songs on it to put my epic music that I listen to when I write so I will have more ideas for my book as the day goes on. Now to find a time and place where I can sit down and write in solitude for a few hours. That will be the hardest thing of all.
     Would you like to hear my motivation for today?

"I willingly expand and reach outward with my writing and, at the same time, contract and pull inward for answers and calm. The balance within me is perfect. (Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths.)"-The Plot Whisperer Book of Writing Prompts

     There you go. I will write later. Hope that helps you. Hope that helps me too.

The Lost Chapter

     My book finally got some attention yesterday. I sat down with Lappy on my lap ready to write up a storm when, I found that a whole chapter of my writing had disappeared. Apparently it all started when my kids got a hold on Lappy, my laptop computer and decided he needed fixing (which wasn't so). So using a hammer, my son gave Lappy a swift whack to the screen. Yeah. Now Lappy needed fixing. He had a large white blotch in his screen. I was so sad I set him aside. Turned off. So that he might recover. When I returned to him, ready to assess the damage and call the computer doctor. He was better. No more white spot! Good boy Lappy!
     But no one could have foreseen the unspeakable loss that had befallen me and my book from that escapade.
     I opened my book yesterday, as I have said, and chapter three was gone. I was beside myself. Granted it is the ugly stepchild of my book. I don't quite care for it much, and eventually it may be permanently removed from the story all together, but there were some key pieces that would be sorely missed.
     Downtrodden and disappointed I sat there trying to remember exactly how the chapter was played out. I could remember some points. A bit here, a figment there. It was hopeless. I would have to attack it from scratch. But wait! Yes, I recall printing chapter three out for my mom and dad to read. They never did however. So... what happened to the manuscript?
     I searched their room, the bookcase, my room, the living room. I couldn't seem to find the chapter. Then my daughter, sucking on my wireless computer mouse, came walking to me. She thought she might share her chew toy, and maybe it would make mommy happy. It did. She is such a ray of sunshine. Then she waddled away. And...SLIP! She fell to the ground on some papers she had earlier pulled from my research bookshelf. I jumped to her aid. Lifting her up. Hugging her better. She, in her frustration with the world, kicked the pile of papers and shrieked at them for good measure.
     I picked the papers up as she ran to her rocking horse. She was feeling much better with her discipline she submitted the papers to. As I was picking them up I noticed that my daughter was wonderful! She found my lost chapter. I was so excited I picked her off of her rocking horse, she was very put out, and ran around to the whole family to show them who found the story. After a while of great praise and hugs and kisses and exaggerated hoorays my daughter thought this isn't so bad. And she switched to pageant mode. All waves and blown kisses.
     In the end. I typed the chapter into the story on my computer. Made a couple copies of it just incase. And now my story is on its way. So don't fret world. It won't be that long and you will get the book you have all been waiting for.

Time is not on my side

     I find that the time I have each day is extreemly short. I try to write. I try to take care of my awesome kiddies. And I try to do a million and one things. It doesn't work. I don't know if it is my lack of good time management skills or maybe each day is loosing hours little by little. Okay, okay. I have something to work on. Time management.
     I came up with a theme to talk about on here. I will talk about writing a book. Bits and pieces of knowledge that I find out along my trail. I will share what I learn with you awesome people. How does that sound?
     Until then, I will be sure to write more often, and I will try to manage my time better. Wish me luck!
    

Finding a Theme

     I find my mind can't think when it comes down to writing in my blog. I get a good idea. Then once I sign on and pull up a new post, I am drawn away from my computer. And once I return I have nothing. So, I believe I will start writing a series of some sort. A themed group of blogs. That way if I don't end up writing about the wonderful idea I had when I logged on, then I have a fall back plan. And you all don't get stuck reading some silly dribble about the weather or how I don't have anything to talk about.
     As of this moment I don't have my fall back plan yet, but I will let you know the moment I do.
     I really don't have much to talk about and I am going to need to help my mom with the kids.

Family Visiting

     My family is a crazy sort. This last weekend we all gathered together. My parents, sister, my kids and myself live together for now, so it is normal. But our visitors were the three sons of the family and the second son's wife. Quite the gathering.
     Because of this rare event. I thought I would share some stories and insights to what went down here at the homestead.
     I would like to let you all know, our family is very loud. Even when we move away and think we are running a quiet peaceful life, it is a lie. Once we all gather together it is amazing the cops aren't called. Well, maybe it isn't that bad. Maybe it is because I have had a double ear ache lately that I have been sensitive to the sounds around me. Yet there is no denying. We are a loud family. My dad mentioned this weekend that he doesn't like the new family movie "The Croods" because it reminds him of us. We are crazy. We are loud. We are somewhat primitive. Yup, that sounds like us.
     Now I would like to say we had a really good time together. There was the occasional tussle. I kicked my youngest brothers butt! But all in all, we came out unscathed. We played card games. Sang songs together and ate food. Our family likes our food. But what family doesn't!
     I came up with two new story ideas and was able to do some research on my Angelic Government, The Syndicate.
     In the end, it was an enjoyable weekend.
     This morning I took my vehicle in for a transmission flush. And I bought new boots for my son, a new computer mouse for me, cat food for the cat, milk for the baby, and bananas.
     Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment. And hopefully they will know what is wrong with me this time when I go in. The last time I went to the doctor, it was the emergency room at two in the morning and I had a 104*F fever that they couldn't seem to break. I was in the hospital on the cardiac floor with heart monitors on me. I had a cat scan, chest scan, and a spinal tap preformed. In the end, they told me I had an infection they didn't know what it was. It was in my kidneys, stomach, bladder, throat, ears, lungs, and pretty much everywhere. That was it. After the five days and daily blood work, they couldn't tell me what it was.
     Must go. I have an attention starved little girl to attend to.

Nothing on my mind.

     I don't really have much to say today. But if I don't say something then I wont say anything. Makes perfect sense right? Right.
     So I fed my son racecar shaped pancakes yesterday. He loved them. He had me cut them up in order of parts. The wheels came off first. Then the bumpers. The doors, the engine, and the trunk. It was so cute watching his little mind work around which part to eat next. I wish his dad could have seen him.
     My daughter is into maracas. She loves to shake them and dance to music. I think she has a gift.
     I know this is really short. But really, this is all I can think of at the moment. Talk to you soon.

Another Idea

     Today I got another amazing story idea. I told my younger sister about it to see if she liked it. She was practically in tears when I finished the summary. She said, "That is a terrible story! But maybe I would read it. Well, okay I would read it, but only if you don't make it so sad."
     Tell me. Is a book better if there is a sad twist to it. One that would almost make you throw the book across the room, only for you to retrieve it and finish reading it. Or is there more "Happily Ever After" fans out there, that want happy times to thrive in fictions as well?
     Needless to say. I added the story to my files so I can revert to it later. After my amazing Novel is finished and all of you out there are hooked on it.
     Oh, I was going to mention this. So... that is what I am going to do now. I read a book yesterday. Read it all the way through. Thought it was amazing and totally loved it! The book is called "Pride and Popularity" by Jenni James. Totally recommend it to anyone. Then today I read yet another book from Mis. Jenni James entitled "Northanger Alibi". Two stellar books in two days! And then I started a third book. One from an author I haven't heard of before, but seemed similar to my story line. Yes I was checking out the competition. Well, as I started reading this book. I was dumbfounded by an extensive explanation of Heaven vs. Hell football. Yes, the quarrel between these two power-house races was placed in the "Sports" page of the Sunday Newspaper (I never read that page). I was completely out of my sphere of knowledge, and it was not described in layman's terms. Ultimately I resorted to scanning through. Not really reading it. Thinking it will get better. Well, I got the idea that Heaven is one team, Hell the other and they are fighting for seven souls that will determine if the game is won by one or the other! Yay! Then I was catapulted into a bar! With some sultry skankity-skank girl wearing blue is trying her hardest to get a guy to notice her. She fails! Ha ha ha. And despite the dude's friends attempting to persuade him contrary, he stands firm. Way to go! I would have almost cheered for him if I didn't have to censor so much of the dialogue and story out. I can handle a character with a bit of a potty mouth. Okay I get it. Some people are like that. But when all the characters are that way, and even the description is spouting out four letter words all over the place. It is a little distracting, to say the least. In the end. My concluding results are as follows.
1. My book is way better! (This will always be number one in my opinion!)
2. The author must have been very angry at the world, her editor, her dentist, or something because she was all over the charts with angry vibe.
3. She needs to buy a thesaurus. Very handy when all you can think of is "@#$#" it will give you "sweet butterscotch ripple!". (Yes, this is something I say when I am upset, or I stubbed my toe)
4. The book was a fifth page wonder. Because that is as far as I got. And I only got there because I thought it would get better after the football fiasco.
     Wow. I am glad I am not a book critic. Couldn't handle that job. But hats off to those critics out there that can. I salute you!

The Creative Mind

     Recently as I was driving my whole family to the store (whole family meaning my parents and sister and kids), I saw a beautiful spectacle of clouds engulfing mountainous peaks with crimson, blue, and yellow flourishes playing through the layers of air. To put it plainly, it was inspiring. I wanted to take a picture. I wanted to keep that moment to write about or paint later. When I shared my idea with my family, my father stated "Why would you want a picture of that? It is plain." I was shocked. Plain! Plain! That was amazing!
     He explained to me that how he saw it was there are many sunsets like that. There are always clouds covering mountains. There is always a blue sky and with the man-made buildings in the picture, this is nothing special.
     I couldn't believe it. This was an amazing beautiful landscape! Buildings and all. The rest of the week I was pointing out other awe inspiring scenes, attempting to convince my father that even in the most mundane, beauty lurks. He never managed to see it.
     My dad did give me a bunch of books on photography. He said he tried to become a good photographer, but he never had the creative eye it required. He told me that from what I was saying, referring to my week's endeavors, I had what he did not. So now I am instructed by him to complete his photography instructions. I suppose I asked for it.
     Now, back to my post. The creative mind. Some may say creativity is a gift and it is only given to a few individuals. I highly disagree. I believe everyone is creative. Or at least they start out that way. Imagine an infant. What sort of thoughts do you suppose they have? Perhaps thinking of a way to get our attention? Well, from what YouTube will show you, babies make some pretty interesting faces and sounds. Yeah there may be babies all over the world making that same sound. But, to one little baby, that sound was completely and utterly his own invention. And his Mommy and Daddy loved it!
     Fast forward. Have any of you watched a toddler playing with toys on the floor? They have their own rhyme and reason for everything they do. They come up with their own stories. They are creative. In fact, I think children stay creative up to the age of four or five. And this is my own opinion, but I believe they will stay that way if their creativity is encouraged and noticed.
     So what sort of things can we do to bring about our own creative mind? I suggest looking at things from a fresh perspective. Look closely at that stapler. What if you didn't know what that stapler was? What could it be? What are it's functions? How can they be used? What are those little things inside it, and why are they bent the way they are when they come out? Could it be a device of torcher? Maybe it was once used as a Tracking mechanism. Someone would have one of those placed in their skin to show they belonged to some group of secret, pain loving, people. What do you think?
     Think of other objects, items, or places.  Tell me your story in the comments below, or send me an e-mail. I would love to hear from you.

Character Tid-Bits

     Character development is an interesting thing. I find that it is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding steps you can take in writing a story. Some characters are easier for me to understand and develop (Nero Kelldonis, Pyralis, Mr. Burswood), whereas some are so difficult to portray (Claire, Invidia, Devin). I believe it has something to do with my own personality and similar/different characteristics I share with each character. Sad to say, but I understand the demons much better than I understand the humans or angels. So if I am ever asked if I am an Angel or Demon supporter. The answer will be clear. As much as I love my steamy Angel, Demon, and Human love triangle. I will forever and always be a lover of the Bad Boy (Shout out to my Reformed Bad Boy Husband!)
     I will now share some little secrets to how I do my character development. I think to myself, and pretend I am a news reporter/TV interviewer, and my characters are doing an exclusive on themselves. Naturally, the most embarrassing, frustrating, down to basics questions will be asked.
What is your name, and what does it mean?
Where and when were you born? (A very interesting question to ask an Angel and a Demon)
What is one of your favorite childhood memories? Why?
What is one of your least favorite childhood memories? Why?
What is your family like? How many people are in your family? What are their names, ages, characteristics? (Again a good one for the A & D crowd)
What is your favorite color? Why?
How would you describe yourself? How you look? (An interesting take on what they look like)
What are your hobbies?
What are your favorite foods? Why?
What are your least favorite foods? Why?
If you could be anyone, who would you be? Why?
Describe your perfect date.
What do you look for in your significant other? Why?
What is your favorite season? Why?
What is your least favorite season? Why?
What would you like to accomplish in your life?
     I really get into any and every question I can think of to answer for these. And then once I have my "Official Reporter Question List" complete. I swap my role for one of my characters. For example.... I will use Nero Kelldonis. Since he really wants attention right now.
" I am Nero Kelldonis. Meaning in your human tongue, Strongest Lord of Lust. This should be plain to see, but because you are merely a human I will look past your idiocy.
  I can see you know nothing of Demons, or you would know this question already. Demons were born from a selfish decision. A choice presented, and a choice made. Damning you to the Darkness.
  I have no childhood. But I have memories. Dark tormented memories. Visions of evil corruption that a human like you couldn't bare to witness. I could share them with you. And it would bring me great pleasure to see you writhe in sheer agony, however, I will not. For I have no time for the likes of you.
  There is no family for me. Not in the past world. Not in this world. Not in the worlds to come. Families are not creations for the dark world.
  It has only been recently that I have seen colors. But to choose one that I fancy. I still like the dark. Dark Blue, Dark Grey, Black. I am comfortable with these colors. They have been around me since I can remember. Besides, I look good in them.
  I am Nero Kelldonis. I am the most beautiful, attractive man you will ever encounter. To see me is to experience ecstasy. I am perfection itself. You will never find another as my equal.
  Hobbies? I am not familiar with this word. However, if you are asking me what I do for pleasure. That is easy. I seduce Man, for that is why I am. I Nero Kelldonis was created for the destruction of Human kind through the Mighty Sin Lust. And I like what I do.
  My dear human. You are my food. Your deepest darkest desires. Your carnal energy. I crave it. I need it. But I must admit, to be forever bound to disgusting humans repulses me to the core. Such a detestable race.
  Am I to laugh? Such a question as this. Who would I like to be? It is very clear. There is no one better than myself. I should think this will be everyone's answer to this question. If not they are highly confused and should be slain.
  A date? As in those ridiculous excuses for humans to pair up and succumb to my tempting? Intertwining each other for my enjoyment. I would never participate in such foolish actions. Though, I am willing to give you any such evening if it would mean a tasty snack for me.
  I see no reason to have a significant other. Why would I trap myself in a relationship where there are so many delicious morsels falling at my feet, dying for my taste.
  Seasons? Don't be ridiculous.
  I, Nero Kelldonis, am what I am, and that is all I will ever be. For there is nothing greater than myself."
     Now. There is yet another trick to this development thing. As "straight forward" as Nero Kelldonis may say he is. As the Author and Creator of him, I know some things about him that he would never admit to anyone. Especially a nosy reporter (like me). So Step Two for the "Character Development Question List"... Give the real answer. Yes, some of the answers are as real as you can get, but some are not. For example, again I will use Nero Kelldonis. He states in his answers that he has no desire for dates. The real answer to the question is, Kelldonis has always wanted to go on a date that has NOT ended in Lust. He has watched them as he tried to tempt, and was always thoroughly interested in dates that contained wholesome activities and little to no physical/sexual interaction.
     Also, he says "Seasons are ridiculous." Well, don't tell him I said this, but he absolutely loves Fall. Something about how the trees change colors, the air grows cold, and the world prepares for a new stage of existence. Give him the belief that he can change. That despite his past, there is a way to make the changes to become something new and fresh. Yeah I know, he is a real romantic.
     And finally, the real answer to his significant other. I actually don't know. You see. I may know him better than anyone else. But that doesn't mean I know ALL of his secrets. And that is okay. What is a romantic Demon bad boy without his mystery?
     The point is to know most everything about them. Just like you do your best friend. You don't know everything. But you do know most. Know their past. Did something tragic happen to them as a kid? Do they not like dogs because they were bitten when they were three? I know that this is about your character in a book, but if you know them as well as you should, even if you don't put all that in your story, it will be easier to write your story. You will know the moment a choice comes in your book, which way your character will go. Why they went that way. It will be that much easier. Instead of trying to figure them out as you go.
     I hope that this was informative. If not for the advice, then you at least got a little sneak peek into Nero Kelldonis. Trust me. When he is a famous movie star you will be so glad you read this.

Slacker

     I have to admit. I have been a big time slacker lately.
     I mentioned how I was having hauntings from my book that kept me up. Well, I wrote about a paragraph just to get them to stop. And I haven't written since. If I keep this up; my book will never be finished, and I will be haunted again. I don't want either of those to happen. So I really need to step up my game.
     Also, I need to really work on my time management skills. It is so difficult running a home with two rambunctious kids and be my creative self. Google here I come! I have to find a better way to plan my life or it is going to plan itself without me.
     Lets see. I really don't know quite what to say at this moment. My kids are going crazy. And I am concerned about the life of the couch if they continue their sofa-harassment. So I am going to leave you all with a short little story. Just to appease you and keep you wanting more.

    

Black Velvet

It wasn't like it would last forever. There were only twenty three beautifully luring masterpieces to fasten my sights upon for hours on end. So why do I feel so low and ashamed of my true state of being? Am I really that pathetic in nature that I would stoop to dwelling on or in some other dreamer's fantasy? I recall a day when my life was full of adventure. There were some that claimed I was loco and should be contained. If only I remained so wild and free that I could live in some world beyond my own reality all my days. Yet it is beaten out of you when you are still young and helpless. That world slips away. Leaving despair and misery in its absence. At times I still find a small part of that world lingers, clinging to my soul like frail fibers of a silky web weaved by a mist dwelling delicate spider. He comes from that world. And he will always stay by my side. I can feel his presence, and sometimes his warmth. Though he is not, well, real... in a tangible sense. But he is there calling to me, soothing me, stirring feelings in my heart, and placing never ending wishes in my mind. My breath catches in my chest when I feel his presence about me. I shiver with his non-existing breath on the nape of my neck. Bumps caress my skin when he speaks in his slow whisper. Fantasies can be dangerous. They make you want things. They make you crazy with want. And what do you do with those feelings unquenchable and overpowering. Feelings so hot you get a fever for nights. Feelings so deep you feel your lungs struggle for air. Feelings so perfect. It is all you can do to close your eyes and let him take over. For once your eyes close and your body, mind, and soul soften to the dark stage that awaits, you are his. He controls you. Your feelings, rage, passion, fear, sadness, lust, determination, anything you feel belong to him. You are his puppet, a toy he grasps with his powerful but enticing grip. A doll that he talks to, dresses, undresses, plays with, and touches, that is what you are. But there could be worse things. He gives you a world of fantastical sensations. Would you rather the life you live? The weight of too many fast food meals, the pale blemished body you are caged in, the raspy voice, the difficult hair, the uncontrollably painful memory of your past. You would give up Him, for that? No, I say. He is everything, and he can have me. And I freely say, take me into your arms and never let me go. And my eyelids will forever drape me in black velvet.

Contemplating Things

     Today I was thinking about music and the influences it has on my mood. Yeah, I know that is a really deep thing to be thinking about, but what can I say. Sometimes I can be deep. Sometimes. Anyways, music.
     I listen to music a lot during the day. When I am writing I have a special playlist I listen too. It contains some of the most epic songs I can think of (soundtracks to movies like: X-Men First Class, Pirates of the Caribbean, I am Legend.) and songs that are from amazing videogames. Ultimately it is awesome! There are a lot of classical pieces sprinkled in there as well. That list shot-puts my imagination into hyper drive. I can't help but write masterfully while listening to it.
     I have a playlist that I listen to when I am angry, a playlist for romantic, and a playlist for active dance.
     Music is amazing in it's ability to transform moods. I tried to explain this to my mother one day. She was upset with something I was listening to on YouTube because of the "scary evil monster" depiction the soundtrack had on the video. My headphones were in, so she only had the picture to go by and that alone branded the song as evil. I took my headphones out of the computer to let my mom hear the evil music, and she liked the soft tender sounds she heard. I then sat down with her explaining I was looking for a mood I needed for my book. She didn't understand. So I played different songs for her with different feelings. She felt sad, happy, scared, excited, and calm in a rapid succession along with the music. I told her this is how I write. If I know there is a battle brewing in my novel, I put on a heavy beat and a trumpeting exciting theme. If there  is a romantic sad parting. I know which songs to turn to. Music is truly amazing.
     Yet another thing I want to be involved in when my novel is a movie. I want my book, my movie to be as epic as the ones I chose to add to my playlist. When someone hears the theme, I want an instant light bulb to ignite, and the people will shout out my novel's name. And the crowd will cheer!
     Yeah. I get excited thinking about it. Okay. this is short. And there is no story involved, but I will assure you. If you explore the different types of music in this world. There are so many different ways to feel. Good luck with your explorations.

Day two of this adventure

     Last night I was haunted by my novel. This happens when I don't write in it for a long period of time, say, like two weeks. My characters tend to frequent my dreams and disrupt them. They like to be center of attention. So they visit me to remind me how much the world needs them. It is humorous really. I think I would get more sleep if I stayed up all night writing than if I try to sleep with their hauntings. Today I wasn't able to write any, so I am sure tonight will be a sleepless one.
     I did manage a nap today, however, so maybe I can write some while the little ones are sleeping.
     A few more facts about me. I like to watch reality shows. Some of my frequently visited shows would be: America's Next Top Model (I like to watch the photo shoots, I could live without the drama), Face Off (I would love to dapple in that. When my books are movies I will get that chance. Naturally I want to be apart of bringing my characters to life in a different media.), Project Runway (Some of the outfits I would love to buy and wear. What can I say? They are up my ally.). I also watch some paranormal shows. I started that for my novel, but it is really interesting. I must say I like the shows that don't have background music to bring suspense. I like it more when I can listen really carefully and hear what they hear before they bring your attention to it. One of the shows I enjoy is Ghost Adventures. I have thought about going to an actual "Ghost Hunt" but I have a few qualms about it. First. I have no one that wants to go with me. They all don't like "scary" things. Second. I am almost certain something would come home with me. I am just that likeable. But as much as I would like having some clinging spirits tormenting me, I would rather not submit my children to that. Besides Nero Kelldonis is enough demon for me right now. Having him in my head is such a great joy.
     I know I sound like all I do is watch shows. It is a lie. I actually don't watch TV at all, and if I watch a show, it is on hulu or youtube. But that is rare.
     I do read a lot. I don't ever want to have no time to read. So I make time for it. And to add to that. I like to physically read books. Yeah, I will read the occasional book on the computer, my phone, or some electronic device. But nothing will replace the feeling I get sitting in a chair or on the couch flipping page after page. Reading a whole novel in one day. Picking up another. Sigh. Good times.
     For those of you concerned about my husband. He is doing fine. He was on guard duty today so he was really tired. Had to stay up all night. I don't know what he was guarding. He didn't say. And I don't ask. I do like to imagine that he is one of those secret agent types. The ones that are always in great danger, but will simply say their day was tough when they talk to their spouse. Yes, that is what my man would actually say to me. He would be this situation and say that.

"Tell us. Where can we find the Emery Chip?"
     His body ached from the torcher it had endured the last three days. Eyes swollen from beatings. He could taste iron from his own blood in his crippled mouth. They expected an answer today. But he knew it would go with him to his grave. Foggy though it was, his mind slipped back to his family. They would never see him again. If he could have cried he might have, but then, he wouldn't. It would do no good. What lie would they send with the news of his death? All his wife knew about his "job", was he worked on army vehicles and filled them with gas. He chucked then grimaced at the thought of men in uniform explaining he was crushed in some accident with a large backhoe.
     A heavy muscular hand slammed against his temple, shattering his thoughts and shaking his stomach with writhing nausea. "You think this is funny?" furious, Vagner Houghvandorm, was loosing patience. Something he claimed to have in spades when they had captured him a few nights ago. "I am through with this game. It is obvious you are simply a simpleton and know nothing of what I am seeking. Thus you are of no use to me anymore." The stately man stood from his cushioned chair adjacent to the soldier. "Dispose of him." Houghvandorm was through playing with his mouse. The game was over.
     He sunk his head sending a prayer to his family and his friends. Wishing them to be happy and safe. Hoping his actions would never find them.
     In this state he could distinctly hear something. A ringing besides the familiar one he had had from the last few strikes. A beep. A second beep. Rapid beeping. A bomb!
     With his last strength he flipped his chair over tossing himself to the floor away from the soon to be blast. Befuddled the tormenters had no time to act when the bomb blasted through a wall sending debris slicing through the room. A virtual onslaught of death.
     Someone walked through the makeshift door. Stepping hard on the rumble cluttering the floor. "Always saving your butt." it was Claymore, the devil himself. "You look awful."
"Yeah, well, you took your sweet time getting here."
"Always do."
     More footfalls, and another familiar voice. "You ladies going to patty cake all day, or are we going to blast our way out of this rat hole?" Agent  Gould was testy as always. You'd think that woman would love her job. Blowing things up for fun.
     Claymore swept the soldier up in his strong arms quickly. "Okay, lets get you out'a here princess."
"Remind me to wipe that grin off your face when we are done with this." he gritted the words out. It was all he could do for the meantime to not faint from the pain. That would be all this group of mercenaries would need. He would be ruined in the field forever.
     Later in the infirmary. He dialed his wife's number from memory into the hospital cell. She wouldn't be able to call him back with this number, but she knew that she couldn't call him. Her phone didn't work over seas anyways.
     It rang. He sighed when he heard her voice she uses for strangers. He liked to tease her about it. Heaven help her she sounded like a sex hotline girl when she talked to strangers on the phone. It wasn't her fault. She tried to disguise it when he brought it to her attention, but it only made it worse. She turned him on. "Hey honey. It's me."
     The stranger voice was gone. Replaced with the sweet natured concerned voice he loved just as much. She missed him. She loved him. The kids were fine. Everything at home was good. She wanted to know how he was. How was he? He looked at his busted ribs and fractured arm. He chuckled into the phone. She was concerned. She knew that chuckle. "Yeah, I had a hard day. The soldiers I am in charge of were misbehaving again. And kept breaking things. I am in the hospital now because of some minor thing. Don't worry. I am fine." The conversation had to be short, but he could hear the kids in the background getting rambunctious anyways. His wife would have to take care of them anyways. "I love you. Talk to you soon. Bye" Again he wanted to cry. But that would never happen.

     Okay, so I don't wish that on my husband. Though he does bring about a lot of ideas. I tell him about some of them, and he often laughs about it. Who knows, he might just be covering up.
     Well, I am going to end this here. Hope you enjoyed my story.