Contemplation

I wont lie. Today was rough. It started out hopeful, but ended up being a very discouraging day. With all my grand ideas of cleaning, family fun, and positive motivation leading to a successful story, prayer, and song before bed, I never knew the despair that would come from my failure.
I don't want to go into too many details. And I don't want to dwell on what went wrong, because lets face it, that would be an extensive list. What I want to take away from this is its okay. I screwed up. I failed big! Our home looks worse than when I started, my kids are all mad at me, and with our lack of finances... seeing my husband before I go to sleep is not likely. But somewhere in all of that, I just need to understand... its okay.
It honestly doesn't feel okay right now. I called my parents hoping for a positive moment but ended with a household of angry little ones. I cried on the phone. I felt hopeless. My youngest was throwing a pre-bedtime fit as I tried to explain why I was sobbing to my parents, when my mother began singing to the fussing baby over the phone. The tune was hush little baby. The words were less conventional. Think real life musical. Singing what you would be saying. That about sums it. My mom was singing what she would have been telling me to the tune of hush little baby. This may not be a big thing. I've heard her do this before, and I have done it on occasion... okay often would be a better word. However, something about her singing in that way, and the affect it had on the now sleeping infant struck me. Moments ago, my kiddo's life was a wreck. Whatever it was that she wanted, didn't want, felt, etc... it wasn't good. She was not a happy camper. Yet... a simple melody from a caring grandma told her... its okay. You can go to sleep. Whatever is wrong, whatever made you sad, it will be okay.
Even after the phone call ended, I could still feel the peace in the air. This is what got me to thinking. Sometimes, nothing works. And it is the days that you really put an effort in that are hardest to accept defeat. But that is okay. It is okay to fail. It is okay to cry on the phone. It is okay to feel sad before bed, or to not even want to go to sleep for fear that tomorrow might come all the more swiftly. It is okay. It happens. Be the one to comfort yourself. Be the one to hum or sing a soothing song. A melody of peace to sooth your inner infant. And hopefully it will stay with you all through the night.